Sometimes, I get in this bad habit of negative thinking. Something happens and I get stuck in a mental battle with myself. Probably 95% of the time it’s health related. Something happens and I forget that this is my life whether I like it or not and I can either have a pity party and be miserable or I can live my life to the fullest and enjoy what God has given me.
When I allow pity parties, it causes chaos in the rest of my life and I end up feeling awful and making Andrew think he did something wrong or feel bad for me and somedays (this is awful) that’s what I want. I want other people to be miserable and suffer too.
But what does that help?
Not. A. Thing. It just causes more issues.
The number one thing to get me out of this battle is making myself focus on NOT ME. Anything but me. Get me and my problems out of my head and allow something else in there.
The greatest distraction is Jesus.
I have to make myself sit down, journal out some of my thoughts, then open up my devotional book and get reminded that Jesus is with me every step of the way. He loves me more than I could ever imagine. Not only that, but since I am his, he also gives me this crazy thing called peace, which is really what I need in the battle of my mind.
I need peace that yes, even though God is the one who allows me to go through these trials and health problems, I will still put my hope in him that someday I will be healed. Maybe not in this life but certainly in the next, and until then I have to trust that God has a more miraculous plan for my life and my story than a healing – at least for now.
Though the fig tree does not budHabakkuk 3:17-18 NIV
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Even though things seem bad, still I will praise the Lord. It’s certainly not easy. People say to me often that they don’t know how I do it, handle the health problems and juggle the meds and doctors but to me, it’s just life. Part of life is praising God for the good and for the bad, knowing he can help you see the good in the bad if you take your eyes off of the situation for long enough to look back at him again.
Even though I would love a diagnosis, understanding my health probably won’t bring me the peace I want. Having a name would be nice, having an action plan other than treating symptoms would be nice, but it won’t change the fact that God made me different. Understanding doesn’t always bring peace, but God’s peace isn’t hiding from us. I don’t have to search for it. Sometimes, I have to brush myself aside to find it, but it’s there, waiting for me to focus on God again and lose focus of what ails me.
Trust in the Lord with all your heartProverbs 3:5 NIV
and lean not on your own understanding
My understanding is faulty. My doctor’s understanding is faulty. God simply asks me to trust. Trust, and he will bring peace.
God is a God of peace. Jesus is called the Prince of Peace. He is always with me, so I always have access to that peace. Since I always have access to that peace, there’s no reason why I should fight the exhausting mental battle of negativity longer than it takes to cry out to Jesus and ask for his peace.
Sadly, I am human and constantly forgetting this. However, that means I can be constantly reminded of this as well, which I suppose is why the Bible says we are renewed daily.
Today, I am choosing to keep my eyes on Jesus and follow where he leads in spite of the dishes that need done, the laundry that needs sorted, the receipts that need filed…I needed some peace, some rest, so God told me as I was journaling to focus on him and writing today, since I have a lot to catch up on. What do you need to brush aside momentarily to focus back on Jesus?
The dishes can wait, but the words God wants you to hear or say can’t wait. Focus in on him and find the peace for which your soul is thirsting. Let go of the negativity in your mind and find the life that peace brings.