The Most Tightly Locked Places
Do you ever find yourself in that little space within you that you keep locked up, tucked away, so no one can see what’s in there?
What I Learned Fall 2019
It’s crazy to think as I type this I already have my Christmas tree up and my house partially decorated. Last year, I wanted Christmas to be over instead of anticipating it, but this year, since I am out of retail, I am taking my time to enjoy this season we are heading into as I remember what I have learned in the past three months. The past couple of months have been relatively uneventful, simply busy as they always…
Ramblings of What’s Been Going On (and Coming Up)
November has seemed to be a full month. I started writing a book for NaNoWriMo, which has taken up a decent amount of time (but not as much as one would think), I’ve been working on getting ready for the holidays, and along with all of everything else that goes on in life, Andrew and I went away for a few days. We went to Wisconsin for a wedding, so that threw off my journaling and devotional time, too. I…
Thoughts on John MacArthur, Beth Moore, and Kanye West
Celebrities and breaking news is not what I usually like to think or talk about. However, recently Andrew was away and one of the nights I spent by myself I was awakened at three in the morning by my dog, Mountain Pie, who was unhappy that she was getting rained on in her room. Understandable, right? Yes. But waking me up in the middle of the night tends to make me very jumpy for a while, thanks to my adrenal…
The Tug of War with Inadequacy
I am inadequate. That’s not something you see people admit very often. That’s something we pretend we don’t feel, yet somehow it bubbles to the surface more often than any of us would like to admit. I am inadequate. We say this, and people jump up and say, “No, you are not! You are more than enough. You are strong. You aren’t weak.” Except. I am inadequate. You are inadequate. On our own. By ourselves, we are inadequate. We will…
A Prayer for the Days of Sadness and Fear
You are never further away from me than a realization that You are with me. When I feel nothing more than numb and want to do nothing but cry, You are there. You are there when I see figures in the shadows and danger in the creaks of an old house. You are there when all has run out and I think it’s the end, yet somehow life keeps going. You are there when I feel I have failed, yet…
The One About the Mini Vacations
Two months ago I wrote about what I’ve learned in my first year of marriage. In that post, I mentioned I’d write about that mini vacation later, not intending to write about it while on another mini vacation this long afterwards. But, here I am on a train, heading back from New York with my parents and younger sister, writing about both my time spent with Andrew in Natural Bridge, and in NYC with my family. These two trips were…
Do You Still Have No Faith?
Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith? Mark 4:40 Wow. That one hits me pretty hard. And sadly, I have to let it hit me hard often because I always manage to forget it. I remember a time in life when I had no cares in the world. I trusted my mom’s watch would beep and tell us it was time for my meds when it was time. I trusted I would have my medicine and I…
A Prayer for the Broken
You don’t despise my weaknesses. You don’t laugh at my humanness. You don’t look at me in shame and wish I could be better. You don’t cut down my broken spirit as a game You play because You enjoy it. It is not a way for You to pass the time or be spiteful. You do not make fun of me for being unable to grasp Your love for me or comprehend Your grace and mercy. You do not tire…
Summer Health Update
It seems like it is easiest to do an update every couple of months instead of more frequently because sometimes there is a lot that has changed; other times, not much is different. My last major update was about the bronchoscopy, and to be honest, not a lot has changed since then. I visited my Infectious Disease doctor in July, had a CT done that showed things have changed some, and I had a rib that was healing that I…
The Long Road Here
Driving with my family along the Veterans Memorial Highway nestled in the Adirondack Mountains in Lake Placid, New York, we came to a quaint toll booth. It reminded me of something one would see around Christmas, almost like a gingerbread house. Made mostly out of wood and gray stones, the building seemed to have two parts. The first part was a small, almost round stone building with a tall pointed roof that was horn shaped and reminded me of something…
10 Things I’ve Learned This Summer
I believe it is important to reflect on the past and see where we have come from on occasion to see more clearly where we are going. Every three months I plan to list a few of the things I have learned, both serious and maybe seemingly silly things – whatever sticks out the most. Here are some of the things I have learned this summer! 1. I adore companionship. I love being alone, but I don’t love being by…
Trucks and Change
I recently shared about my last day working for Kohl’s. It was an ending, but it was also a new beginning that I was (and still am) happy about. I didn’t mention, however, was that evening was another new beginning, but in a much different way. Andrew recently sold his truck. We used to joke that if he ever sold the truck, I was going with it because I love that truck in the most ridiculous way. I don’t believe…
A Chapter Four and a Half Years Long
There’s something about knowing something is ending that makes me extremely sentimental, especially when it’s something that’s been going on for a long time. On occasion, I’m just done and walk away without looking back. Other times, I take pictures to remember as much as possible and try to fight back tears. Still, other times, it’s more of a celebration. Today I’m celebrating. Closing a chapter in my book that’s been open for almost four and a half (long) years….
The Peace of Focusing
Sometimes, I get in this bad habit of negative thinking. Something happens and I get stuck in a mental battle with myself. Probably 95% of the time it’s health related. Something happens and I forget that this is my life whether I like it or not and I can either have a pity party and be miserable or I can live my life to the fullest and enjoy what God has given me. When I allow pity parties, it causes…
First Year of Marriage
Today marks Andrew and my one year wedding anniversary. To celebrate, he took me on a surprise trip to Natural Bridge, Virginia where we enjoyed the weekend alone together. I’ll write more about our travels in later posts (with pictures!) but today I’d like to list off a few things I’ve learned in this first year of marriage. First: it went by way too fast. Actually, most time seems to be going too fast nowadays. I’ve been taking time to…
Notes From My Seat on the Rocks
My friend Alyssa and I decided to go on an evening adventure and ended up at High Rock in Cascade, MD. It’s a popular place to hang out and watch the sun set around here. Some days, there’s hardly anyone here. Other days, like today, it’s so full it’s hard to not be in some else’s way. We decided to not sit on the usual old look out, but on a different rock further back instead. It’s interesting to people…
Gentle Cleansing?
I took some time this week to do a chore I had been putting off. I’d like to say I was putting it off because it’s been hot, but really,I just haven’t felt like doing it. I use Norwex cloths for cleaning, but I use the body cloths most often and have a small collection of them. Over time, I find they start to absorb less and less water which says to me that it’s time to deep clean them….
The Power of Time
Time is an amazing thing. Especially when I think about how God isn’t restrained by time, which means it’s something he made for the sake of our sanity. Can you imagine life without time? There would be no structure, no order, no way for us all to be on the same “page”. Imagine making doctor appointments or trying to go to our jobs when our bosses want and expect us there. My own personal thoughts about time make me think…
Where is the Joy?
It has been a heck of a year already. Do you feel that way, too? So much has happened, good and bad, and at times I am exhausted thinking about it all. Although, everything is exhausting right now since I’m on all these meds and hardly sleeping. Yet, somehow, I have managed to get a lot more done today than I have in a while. I am running off of three hours of sleep and I still worked today, cleaned…